Wednesday, November 7, 2012

The Emily Program

“You don’t have to be emaciated or vomiting to be suffering. All people who live their lives on a diet are suffering.”    Portia de Rossi

This is a huge post for me...scariest for sure
I suffered sexual abuse as a small child
as a direct result my body has become a prison
my thoughts have become all consuming
I could just burst
As an adult I am ready to Heal
I am ready to find some love for this body
I am ready to shed this hate
Mostly for me but especially for my husband 
and Definitly for my daughters.
It's amazing how life offers triggers for depression and downfall
Puberty was the start 
Marriage and Sex were a trigger
Having babies were triggers
Having a 4 year old girl (the same age of my abuse)
Having another 4 year old girl (again)
Finding out many many many of my dearest loved ones suffered too (abuse)
and SUFFER NOW (eating disorders)
I've lived with this task master for almost 20 years now
It is time to HEAL
It's time for me to stop hiding and start living!!!! 
Thank You Emily Program
Thank you ME for being brave enough to start this.


  1. Oh Lisa, you are amazing! What bravery! You are someone I've always admired and I will pray for you on your journey. A woman with your gifts and talents should/will not be hidden! Go Lisa!

  2. Love you Lisa! You are a wonderful, beautiful,brave woman.

  3. Lisa!!! I am so proud of you! You are so amazing and I have looked up to you so much my whole life! I Emmulate my whole life after yours and hope to oneday be half the woman that you are! You are so strong to take this step toward healing and learning to love after such pain. it is hard but the first step of starting is the hardest. know that I love you with all of my heart. your bravery gives me strength to face my own abuse. you are the most beautiful loving caring person I know. I love you Lisa!!!!

    1. Love. I cant see who you are. Your comments made me feel so loved thank you! E mail me

  4. I love you so much. You are helping others on your journey. Keep going! I have appreciated your honesty throughout the years. You are so wonderful. You have so many people cheering for your success (with you know, the Savior being one of them!)

  5. One of the things I love about you the most is how honest you are. You aren't afraid to take off the sugar-coating and say just how things really are. I've always admired this in you. I have a hard time finding the courage to do that. But reading the real 'you' in your posts, inspires me to be more honest. I know through your journey and honesty, you will help so many who hide behind their abuse. I wish you the best. Know that I love you so, so much, and think of you even more. You've always been an inspiration to me, and I consider you one of my long lost sisters more then a cousin-in-law. I'm so excited for you! You deserve the best in life!! Love you!

  6. I had no idea. You are amazing. We have so much in common. I wish I had known so I could have talked to someone. You were an amazing friend. I looked up to you in so many ways.
    I too suffered eating distorter. I had anorexia 8-10th grade. Wore baggy clothing and etc... It wasn't till Dan Miller at OHS told me if I don't start eating I would be thrown off the swim team. That opened up my eyes and was able to be me.
    I suffered through so many dark times. It was hard. But the Lord has shown me so many new ways to become a better person. Oh Lisa! I just wanna give you a HUGE hug.

  7. Oh, Lisa, I love, love, love, you! I wish I was just down the street from you again, or still had you as my YW leader, or as my visiting teaching partner or close by to do my hair like no one else does! Mainly I want these things to be able to have our long talks about life again. I miss having you close by. You have helped me so much in my life through difficult times. I want you to know that you are amazingly strong and I am proud of you. Please know that I am here and let me know if here is anything I can do for you or your sweet little family. I love you!

  8. Hugs and prayers being sent your way! I'm sure that was really hard for you to take that step. Good luck on the rest of your journey.

  9. Lisa, you are one amazing, beautiful woman, mother and wife. You are opening doors and helping others through your journey. You only deserve the best for yourself and your family. It is difficult to let go of the hate and welcome forgiveness. I struggle with this from my dad being murdered. But you have such a wonderful support network, your love and kindness flows into everyone's lives you have touched.